Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
