do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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