my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
