she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
