you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
