just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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