Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
