May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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