Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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