somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
