I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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