Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
