u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
