So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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