she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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