don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
