I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
