girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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