but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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