She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
