shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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