My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
