I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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