went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
