just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
