Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He passed out mid-signature
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
