She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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