You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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