I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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