so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh god it's open bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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