Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My cat gives me a boner
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
