Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
