Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
