Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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