I think scott just propositioned me for sex
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
