Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
