Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
