Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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