My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
