I'm passing your future prison.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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