The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
