We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
