apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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