Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
