Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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