I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
