; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Randomize
