If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
