oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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