Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
